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I like to tell people that I ate as much sugar by the age of 45 as most people probably eat in a lifetime, and I’m not exaggerating. I grew up consuming copious amounts of the stuff. It started with a sugary cereal for breakfast, and didn’t end until a sugar-laden dessert after supper that evening. If the cereal wasn’t sweet enough (i.e. Rice Krispies or a plain Bran cereal), I’d douse it with white sugar. It was so fun to scrape it off the bottom of the bowl. “Have a little cereal with your sugar!” The Monday after Easter has been almost as revered to me as the preceding Sunday itself. That’s the day of the legendary 50% off Easter candy sale at Walmart. I have fond memories of sitting in the parking lot with my bag(s) full of half-price treasures, inhaling Reece’s Eggs.
You get the idea. Predictably, as I reached my 40s I started having gut issues. Long story short, I finally wound up at a naturopathic doctor, where I was tested for food intolerances. These aren’t allergies, but rather foods that your body can’t digest properly. I found out that the combination of dairy and grains is an intolerance I have (fine on their own, but bad together). Worse, I found out my main food intolerance is–you guessed it–refined sugar. This was one of those “That explains a lot” revelations. It’s also been a game-changer. Although I had cut back on sugar in recent years, I still couldn’t stay away from it. But this news, which would’ve seemed awful to me a few years ago, came as a bit of a relief. I know that the sugar beet industry is HUGE close to where I live, so I mean no offense to those who make a living off it, but…there are NO health benefits from refined sugar (okay, I guess it makes one happy, but so do other destructive things–like musical theater;). Let’s be honest: it’s basically poison that slowly kills you. But man, is it delicious! So, once I was told refined sugar is a no-no, I embarked on this odyssey of trying to avoid it. I knew it was in a lot of stuff, but I didn’t realize it’s almost easier to avoid breathing oxygen than avoiding refined sugar. It’s hidden in legions of non-sweet foods. A while back I bought some Vlasic “hamburger slice” dill pickles. About halfway through the jar, my daughter noticed they contain sugar. I bought the dumb things because there was a blurb on the front: “Doesn’t contain Yellow #5.” Healthy. Not only is the white poison in pickles, it’s in salty crackers, salsa, tortillas, and regular bread. As if that weren’t enough, it’s in breakfast sausage, and…bacon?! Yes, bacon. I could avoid all sweets and still eat a bunch of sugar in these annoying (but delicious) processed foods. Avoiding processed sugar can be really frustrating, but I feel SO much better, and am healthier than I’ve ever been (sugar also suppresses your immune system). Despite the frustrations, it’s worth it. And I still get to eat sweets–you’d be amazed at the options out there. I’ll write another blog detailing what I’ve discovered along those lines.
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In Star Wars Episode 8 ("The Last Jedi"), many fans were dismayed by the portrayal of Luke Skywalker as a disillusioned old hermit who wants nothing to do with the Jedi. Despite the fact that the movie (along with the entire dreadful "sequel trilogy") has an utterly illogical plot, unoriginal ideas and forgettable characters dressed up in glitzy big budget filmmaking, I've always defended the decision to portray Luke this way.
I can see how he who vanquished the evil empire (with a little help from his friends) would be overwhelmed with the weight of the responsibility of single-handedly resuscitating the Jedi Order. And when things didn't go as planned, it's easy to see how cynicism could creep in and steal his youthful idealism. This may be a silly example, but in the past few years I've come to see how Luke could become a grumpy old man. And despite unspoken vows to never be one, I've noticed myself slipping down the slope of Grumpy Old Man Valley. It's not like I have a good excuse. I've had my hard times in life just like everyone else, but overall I've had an easy life. I'm extravagantly blessed in every area of existence. I have no right to complain. What's more, in recent years my life has been more carefree than it has been in decades. My kids are pretty much grown up. I have the closest thing to a dream job I've ever had, etc. And yet, I'm noticeably more grumpy than ever. Aren't you supposed to become more patient with age? I seem to be less patient. I've become far more cynical of both people and institutions. Instead of thinking the best of others, I often tend to assume the worst. My sentiment is often along the lines of, “Yeah right.” Why is this? There are the typical reasons: I do feel like I've heard it all before. There's nothing new under the sun. Each generation thinks it’s different. “You don’t understand us–we aren’t like those pathetic geezers who came before us,” said every generation ever. As a teacher, I deal with what is politely called “academic integrity” issues constantly. I can usually spot it a mile away, and that includes using artificial intelligence to write that essay. The protocol that I’m to follow says to assume the student didn’t realize what they’re doing is wrong, and to work with them to avoid that in the future. But what I’d rather do is slap it with a zero, as a thought like “Quit cheating, you little punk!” flutters through my mind. Additionally, I feel like I’ve spent so much of my life waiting for others that I just don’t want to do it anymore. I know what I want and what I don’t, so stay out of my way! And I’ve found what works and what doesn’t, so therefore I tend to be “Stuck in my ways.” All this grumpiness is what the Bible would call “works of the flesh,” and I’ve seen where those lead. Though the Grumpy Old Man part of me may not want to “take up my cross,” show mercy “cheerfully,” and “walk in the Spirit,” I know THAT’S the way to go. What’s the result? Some of the “fruits of the Spirit” are love, joy, peace, PATIENCE, and kindness. I don’t have to be a grumpy old man–I have a choice. Here’s hoping I choose wisely! That’s a cheerful title…but it’s something I’ve been thinking about over the past year or two. I talked to a friend recently, and congratulated him on an article the local newspaper published about three books he’s written and self-published. The proceeds from the sales of his books go to a charitable organization.
He posted a link to the article on his social media, and received numerous “likes” and congratulations. And yet for all of that, the sales that resulted amounted to ONE book. He laughed it off, but seemed genuinely surprised. I wasn’t. I’ve self-published three books (one was written for a friend), and have released four albums of my own music (see my web site for details on all of the above!). Here’s the takeaway from my experiences: No one cares. Okay, not NO ONE, but a tiny handful of people (mostly related to me) care. Why? The main reason, from my observations, is that people are busy with their own lives, and don’t have time to buy and read/listen to my work. Also, modern technology has made it possible for average people to publish their own books and record their own music, which is wonderful, but it also means that every Tom, Dick, and Harry has his own book/album/etc. And now with artificial intelligence, there’s even more, as people are actually putting out music and books written by AI. So why WOULD I want to read someone’s book or listen to their new song? It isn’t just that I’m busy. What about quality? Is it any good? The average self-published book probably isn’t a literary masterpiece, nor is that DIY music likely to rival Mozart. In fact, odds are that it’s mediocre at best. So again, why spend my precious time and money on something that probably isn’t very good? It’s a fair question, and to be honest, I don’t buy most of the books, or listen to most of the music that ordinary people I know put out. I do try to give attention to as much as I can because I’m in the same boat. If I don’t give them a try, why should they give me one? Why should you even read this blog? I can’t answer that. But here’s my advice for those aspiring writers, musicians, and artists: don’t do what you do to sell units or “make an impact.” I hate to say it, but chances are that your creation won’t have much of an impact. Do it because you have to. Do it because you feel God leading you to (that’s the best reason). Do it just because it’s fun! When I wrote my first book, I harbored dreams of doing that for a living. That dream died an ugly death, but by the time I got around to writing and recording music, I didn’t care. My reasons were a combination of the three listed in the previous paragraph. This is who God made me to be, so in a sense, doing these things is an act of worship. A few people have enjoyed my work, and that’s a bonus, but that’s not my motivation. So by all means, write that book; record that song…but also put those dreams of grandeur to rest. A few days ago, I heard that Netflix is planning to “reimagine” the Little House on the Prairie series. Based on their long track record of delivering, shall we say, less-than-stellar content, I decided to make some predictions based upon the Netflix track record.
First of all, Ma will be black. She will also be completely smart and capable of doing everything without any character flaws. She'll be better at the "manly" jobs around the farm than Pa, who'll do his fair share of cooking and cleaning (albeit poorly). There will be at least one physical altercation with a man twice her size (who will also bear a striking resemblance to Donald Trump) where she will easily defeat him. Pa will be a likeable doofus, whose ignorance is often on display as the female characters around him put him in his place. He will, however (unlike Michael Landon), have a nice millennial beard. The Ingalls girls will all be strong, capable, and enlightened. Laura will also be quite snarky, and able to easily do things better than any of the adult male characters. There will be at least one gay character. There will be a female character who looks and dresses like a guy. The townspeople will be made up of a broad range of races and genders. They’ll live in peace and harmony, except for the cis white guys, who always cause trouble. Native Americans will play a central role in the series and will be referred to as either “indigenous peoples” or “first nation peoples” by the characters themselves (except for the white guys, who’ll call them “Indians”). These indigenous people will be uniformly strong, noble, and environmentally friendly. They will probably talk to animals. They will have no flaws. They will, however, be attacked and harassed by evil white men, most of whom seem to have a bit of an orange tint to their skin. Now that I’ve tortured you with my lame attempts at humor, I do have to say that I've noticed that some fans of the original TV series are afraid that this new show will be terrible considering the reputation Netflix has earned. However, it's not like the original Little House series was exactly historically accurate. You had a bunch of beautiful people with perfect ‘70s hair (oh, those feathered hairdos) and Michael Landon’s curly locks and bare chested studliness, not to mention the ridiculous storylines that threw away 90% of the source material after the first season. So, it would be really refreshing to see something that's actually somewhat historically accurate. The fact is, white settlers and Native Americans eyed each other with suspicion and fear. I have a friend whose husband is Native, and even he is disgusted by Hollywood portrayals of them as enlightened saints living in harmony with each other. They were indeed quite savage at times–just like the white guys who hunted them down. My own great grandpa had to hide in a swamp with his mom and siblings when Native Americans ventured onto their farm. The Indians (yes, that's what they called them) would come and just take whatever they wanted. Nobody dared mess with them. That's how it actually was. I really hope the new series does the books justice and avoids the messaging that has plagued Hollywood in recent years. How about just showing history as it was, not as you think it should’ve been? Am I the only one who often finds it a struggle to feel excited about Christmas?
The first year I remember not being able to get in the mood for Christmas was my freshman year in college. I'm sure being away from home was a big part of it. I don't remember if there was a lack of snow that year, but that's another factor that affects my ability to get in the holiday mood, since everyone knows it ALWAYS snows on Christmas… The thrill I felt as a kid at Christmastime truly fit the “magic” of the season. But why? There are a host of happy memories of The Season that built my anticipation of Christmas into a disproportionately momentous thing. It’s understandable that these were still fresh and new as a child. It’s difficult to maintain that feeling of wonder as the decades pile up. But still, it seems that other adults are transported into almost annoyingly good moods this time of year. While I no longer can say “I can’t wait for Christmas,” the agony of waiting for the Big Day tested my patience as a young lad, so that when it finally did arrive, it didn't seem real--kind of like the last day of school. When at long last Christmas Eve dawned, I remember my mom listening to the local AM radio station (which played recordings of Christmas concerts from local schools) as she busied herself with preparations, while us kids busied ourselves with winter fun: skating, sledding, and maybe working on a snow fort, before finally getting ready for the late afternoon church service. The glow of Christmas was warm indeed as we came home for a feast of ham, potatoes, pickles (very important) and an endless array of goodies, including Norwegian favorites: lefse, krumkake, sandbakkels, and fattigman. My mom also made this white stuff called “divinity,” which was good, but seemed to have at least a cup of sugar crammed into each walnut-sized piece. Then at long last came what it turns out I was most excited about all along: the presents! Long ago I realized that despite all the other special charms of Christmas, it was the promise of NEW TOYS that contributed most to my Christmas cheer. That's disappointing… There are still elements of Christmas I really like, but that magical feeling? There are now only fleeting glimpses of it--mostly when I'm touched by those nostalgic memories of “Days of yore.” I still enjoy getting presents, but giving them is a lot more fun than it used to be. I enjoy the food, music, and the whole vibe, but being with my family trumps it all. And if I can connect in worship with my Blessed Savior (who the whole thing’s SUPPOSED to be about), that's pretty much as perfect as it gets, whether there's snow or not. March 2023:
I remember right around St. Patrick’s Day, 2020, when my supervisor at my job told me that they were cancelling “March Madness” (the NCAA men’s college basketball tournament). That's when I realized that fear had reached pandemic levels. I didn’t realize how extreme it would get or how long it would last. I also didn’t realize that I was entering into the most prolonged period of helpless frustration I’ve ever experienced. Some of these feelings were expressed in blogs at that time: • a-story-for-our-times.html • why-not-fear.html • no-longer-land-of-the-free-or-home-of-the-brave.html • with-cures-like-this-who-needs-a-disease.html • rock-n-roll-rebels-no-more.html I have two albums that also deal with these topics: "2020 Pandemic of Fear" by Moanin' Jack Webb (a collaboration with some friends), and "It Had to be Said!" by Truth Bomb, which was (mostly) me processing the events of 2020-21 in songs. See music tabs elsewhere on this site for more info. What follows are the thoughts of an exasperated man as they happened. I had to write down my thoughts, but wasn’t sure if I’d ever put them out there for anyone else to read. I often questioned if I should, because there's a pretty good chance that they’ll offend some (many?) people. Ultimately, I’ve decided that it’s important to remember just how crazy the world went. If you are someone who found yourself caught up in the panic of those days, proceed with caution. Remember that not everyone saw things from your point of view. I apologize for the sarcasm and snarkiness of some of this, but again: it’s a record of my thoughts and feelings at the time. I give you the Global Pandemic of Fear: I write this on April 5th, 2020, in the midst of the World Shutdown. I was shocked when it started happening. It was a case study in group behavior. People started getting worried about the spread of Covid-19, and when the cancellations started, they snowballed. It was probably the biggest example of “jumping on the bandwagon” in history. An unprecedented wave of fear--fueled by international media—swept over the entire planet. Concern over a mysterious virus is understandable, but the irrationality of some of the responses is breathtaking (no Covid-19 pun intended). I’ve been frustrated to no end at some of what I’ve observed. Here’s a list for posterity’s sake: • A friend of mine, who lives in India, was taking a group of kids from the children’s home she founded (yes, she’s like Mother Theresa) to the beach, knowing a government-mandated lockdown was coming. As a white person, the authorities suspected she might have The Virus (she was, after all, in America three months earlier). They made her wear a mask. They didn’t bother to check anyone else she was with, but they forbade any of the kids from swimming in the ocean. Why? They might be carriers, and it would get in the ocean and infect old people. • The governor of my state suggested letting non-violent offenders out of jail, because they’re too close to each other in jail, and would apparently be safer out and about in the community. [States like New York and California DID do this, and were shocked when some of them re-offended. That’s gratitude for ya!] • Speaking of jail, I have a friend in Federal Prison. We frequently write each other. He told me, “They may put us on lockdown.” ……………….? Update: as of late September, 2022, they’re STILL under “modified operations,” even though (anecdotally) basically everyone’s had it at least once. • Just the other day, a woman came into a gas station in town. She apparently said, “I tested positive.” She didn’t say for what, but staff assumed it was The Virus. She left the store, and employees promptly locked it and called the police. The store remained closed for the day as it was thoroughly sanitized and new staff was brought in. • Around the first of April, a church leadership camp my son was planning to attend (in mid-July) cancelled. [They cancelled it in 2021, as well.] • On April 2nd, the city of Minneapolis courageously announced that all beaches and swimming pools would remain closed for the entire summer. • On April 4th, it was announced that North Dakota Legion baseball cancelled their entire season. Who even goes to those?! It seems to me that a Legion baseball game might be one of the safer places you can go. • A co-worker of mine was telling of a relative of hers who had The Virus. Another co-worker immediately asked, “Did he die?” She replied that no, he had mild symptoms. • People are afraid to go to stores to get groceries because it’s “too dangerous.” NOTE: These are people who are young and healthy. • Many people venturing out to Walmart in my town (despite the fact that there were a total of zero cases reported in my county), were wearing masks, latex gloves, and even goggles. Again, I’m guessing most of these people were not considered at risk. • A relative of ours wanted to visit with us. She lives in the Twin Cities and wanted to respect social distancing, so we met at a state park. We probably rarely came within 6’ of each other, but she took a picture of my family at the trailhead with our arms around each other. She posted it on Facebook. One person commented that we need to stay 6’ apart from each other. Another scolded that she should’ve stayed home (this occurred before the “Shelter in Place” order). • Despite the fact that government officials have stated that the purpose of “social distancing” and “shelter in place” orders are to slow the spread to prevent a spike in hospitalizations and thus the overwhelming of the medical system, most people seem to think we must hide until every last case disappears from the planet. • Again, despite the fact that at least 99% of people who contract The Virus fully recover (and in fact around 90% of those most at-risk also survive), a very sizable portion of the populace (57% of millennials, according to one survey) think if you get it, you’re probably gonna die (see above question from my co-worker). Update: May 13 • Minnesota, currently nearing the end of its SEVENTH week of shelter-in-place, allows people to go fishing, but the governor warned before the fishing opener that you should only go where you can get there and back on one tank of gas. Apparently, if you fish so far away that it takes more than a tank, people will die. • Michigan may well win the award for most government-mandated stupidity. The cases are too numerous to mention, but they famously wouldn’t allow sales of such dangerous items as garden seeds and American flags. If you own two homes in Michigan, you must stay in one or the other. You can’t go to the other one, because apparently people will die. Want to go out on the water? Canoes, sailboats, and rowboats are fine, but if the boat has a motor, you can’t. I’m sure that decision, like all other government decisions, is based squarely on “science.” <eye roll> [I recently read (2023) where the governor of Michigan admitted that maybe some of the actions taken were a bit much.] Update: October 2020 Even when I wrote that last part almost five months ago, I never would’ve anticipated that we’d be where we are today. In my county of 30,000 + I think the death toll is two, yet the fear remains strong among a significant portion of the population. There have been so many instances of stupidity that I’ve actually forgotten a lot of them. But there have been so many that I still can list plenty. As spring turned to summer, it appeared that the worst was behind us, until…the national news media breathlessly reported an ominous spike in cases across many of the Sunbelt states. Fear ratcheted up again, and now masks (which, prior to 2020 were said to be ineffective at protecting from respiratory viruses) became all the rage. • My wife and I took a “risky” trip to Florida while the peak was supposedly raging (The Peak actually occurred two or three weeks before we got there). It was early August in the Florida Keys, and masks were everywhere. One day we went to Key West, which had a city ordinance requiring mask wearing at ALL times once one left their home or car. It was so comforting to know that guy riding his bike by himself in 93-degree weather was protecting me from Covid-19 by wearing a mask. Science! • Earlier on that trip, we flew into the Fort Lauderdale airport. I saw a young lady around the age of twenty wearing two face masks, a face shield, and latex gloves. She appeared to be in excellent health, and it was really sad to see this girl so bound in fear. The same scenario was replayed on our way home, when we saw a similar young lady with the same get-up (minus the gloves). • A couple of weeks later, we took another trip—a three-day camping excursion—here in Minnesota. The first two nights we stayed in a state park, where it generally was business as usual. The third night, however, we stayed in a campground that had closed its restrooms because of the virus. So now everyone staying in its thirty campsites had to share two pit toilets. Science! Additionally, these outhouses were devoid of sanitizer due to…you know what. Don’t question the wisdom of the government. • Every single structure with a roof and walls was posted with a notice that masks must be worn in public buildings. That includes outhouses. And sure enough, in one campground, I observed a woman exiting the pit toilet wearing her mask. I wonder if it helped with the smell… • And of course, through all of this, I’ve seen numerous people alone in their cars wearing masks, outside with no one near them wearing their masks, etc., etc. • Now that it’s school season, we’ve seen teachers protesting that schools shouldn’t open. Covid-19 kills about 1/10th as many school-aged kids as influenza, but it’s dangerous, and we must protect them! I saw a photo from the first day of school in a Minneapolis suburb. Lower elementary-aged kids were standing on a sidewalk outside, wearing masks and holding swimming noodles out to keep their distance from each other. This will either be the most paranoid, germaphobic generation in history, or the opposite, rebelling against the stupidity they endured at the hands of “adults.” • Some school bands are using various methods to make it “safe” for their kids to play, involving various covers for bells (where the air comes out), etc. My favorite is FACE MASKS WITH SLITS so their instruments can reach their mouths. [I later saw photos of students from a local college performing wearing NOSE MASKS.] • The office of the governor of California tweeted that diners at restaurants need to keep their masks “on in between bites.” Update: February, 2021 Here we are, eleven months in, and the stupidity has yet to abate. The big wave of Covid finally did reach my area, with cases spiking around Thanksgiving. Hospitals around here were stressed and at or near capacity. After six months of fear, shutdowns, and mandates, it actually hit. Interesting that so many people got it, what with a mask mandate in place since July, and continued restrictions everywhere you turned. When the weather became cold, people were forced inside, and it still spread. By now, the wave has long since receded, thank God. I know a ton of people who’ve had it. I know one person who died (an 88-year-old man with cancer), and two who were hospitalized (a woman in her 80s, and another in her 70s). Some have been hit hard, and were miserable for days. Most had only a stuffy nose or scratchy throat for a couple days. Some had even fewer symptoms. Obviously, nobody wants it, and it’s admittedly weird and, in rare cases, dangerous. But with all the restrictions, it still spread. There are numerous charts showing cases all over the world. Regardless of restrictions and precautions, it spreads. Countries that have done little in the way of restrictions (i.e. Sweden) actually have fared better than some others that have taken harsh measures. The same goes for states. So, it’s understandable when some people get frustrated with these restrictions. Children have been devastated, not by the virus, but by stupid adults. Academically, things are a mess, and mental health issues have gone through the roof. How many more kids have killed themselves than have died of Corona? I don’t know, but I'm pretty sure that number is higher. And yet, power-hungry fascists persist in ruining kids to “keep Grandma safe” (even though Grandma still probably got it, sitting alone in the nursing home). In my home state of Minnesota, they finally decided to let youth sports resume, but you guessed it: they have to wear masks. Actually, swimmers and wrestlers don’t. But wrestlers can’t shake hands after the match. Makes perfect sense. Oh, and hockey players have forgone the tradition of shaking hands after games. In fact, they can’t even go through a line and bump their gloves. Well, of course! [Around that time I followed a site that detailed emergency medical cases of children who suffered adverse effects because of wearing masks while exercising strenuously.] Professional athletes don’t have to wear masks in Minnesota, however. Naturally, Covid doesn’t spread between professional athletes like it does between kids. I’m sure this is all supported by TONS of DATA and SCIENCE. Our local school has just now decided to let elementary and middle schoolers attend in person every day (with masks, naturally). At the high school, ninth graders are about to start attending every day because it’s safe, but 10th-12th grade are still “hybrid” because 10th-12th graders are obviously NOT safe. The teachers have to wear masks AND face shields. So, now when a kid claims they didn’t hear the teacher tell them something, they’re actually telling the truth! My wife and kids went downhill skiing at our local ski hill. Of course, you have to wear masks, which makes sense when it’s cold. But you can’t go in the lodge to get your gear (for renters). So now they have a tent set up outside. April 7, 2021 My family and I got Covid in March of 2021. I felt really lousy for about a day and a half, and I had it worse than the others. Just thought I should add that we had it. Turns out 2021 was far deadlier than 2020. September 2022 The major news outlets won’t report this, but most cases, hospitalizations and deaths from Covid are now among fully vaccinated people. But every time I listen to Spotify, I get an ad that says they’re still the best defense. Misinformation, indeed. My friend in prison informed me about two weeks that they’re finally lifting restrictions (except requiring inmates to still wear masks). These masks failed to prevent at least two major waves of Covid from sweeping through the prison. Most inmates have been infected. Another friend informed me that he’s observed multiple people driving convertibles by themselves with the top down, and wearing masks. March 2023 Well, there you have it. I actually edited out some of my more over-the-top statements. It’s my hope and prayer that, regardless of what the future holds, humanity never again falls into the clutches of irrational fear (and the consequences thereof) again. * This was originally written in 2013.
Now that everyone knows how I feel about Christmas music, I’ll now punish you with my Top 10 list of non-cheesy Christmas albums! 10. “Striking 12” by Groovelily. Okay, so this isn’t technically a Christmas album, but it is a holiday album, specifically New Year’s. This band is a theatrical/pop/rock trio (for lack of a better term), consisting of electric violin, keyboards, and drums. All three members share lead vocal chores, to great effect. This live recording is a modern adaptation of Hans Christian Anderson’s “The Little Match Girl” that is at times poignant, beautiful, and hilarious. My favorites include the haunting “It’s Coming Down,” which I used to listen to in our apartment in Kiev while watching the snow fall on winter evenings. Very cozy. I also love “Give the Drummer Some” (of course) and “Screwed Up People Make Great Art,” the title of which speaks for itself. 9. “Merry Christmas” by Mariah Carey. I can’t believe I’m putting this on here, but it’s to appease the popsters out there. If you have to listen to an album of pop Christmas music, this is the one. The reverent “Jesus Born on this Day” and “Joy to the World,” which combines the Christmas carol with the “Jeremiah was a bullfrog” to great effect, are the highlights for me. 8. “Heaven and Nature Swing” by Phil Driscoll. In case you don’t know, the best kind of Christmas music is jazzy, and this big band record is chock full of wonderful arrangements by Ralph Carmichael. Phil Driscoll is a singer and trumpet player. He can play trumpet very high and loud, but he’s not a jazz player. Also, thanks to the magic of multi-track recording, Phil is the entire trumpet section, which is weird. Still, it’s a great album, especially the extended jams on “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen.” 7. “A Very Veggie Christmas” by the Veggie Tales crew. I’ve listened to this at least 18,000 times (thanks to my kids) and have every word memorized. It’s kind of like a TV show without visuals. Bob the Tomato is hosting a Christmas party at his house, and we get to listen in. Like most Veggies Tales stuff, it’s very funny and cute. While in Poland last year, we ate as many of the foods as possible from the “Twelve Days of Christmas” (eight Polish Christmas dishes) from this recording. Our favorite was kielbasa. 6. “Timeless Christmas” by Denver & the Mile High Orchestra. This is a mini-big band led by another singing trumpet player. I really like this band when they’re swinging, but they can’t seem to decide whether to be jazzy or to be a rock band with horns. Anyway, there are some wonderful versions of Christmas classics (including the second-best version ever of “Little Drummer Boy” ever—the best is in my #1) along with some great originals. 5. “A Christmas Festival” by Arthur Fiedler and the Boston Pops. My family had a record of this when I was growing up, and it reminds me of my childhood. I remember the cover had Mr. Fiedler dressed as Santa and holding a large sack of toys that I thought looked pretty cool. This is classy stuff! 4. “Christmastime” by Michael W. Smith. This one’s for Kendra, but I have to admit, as another “poppy” Christmas album, this is pretty good. He’s got a wide variety of material, and it has kind of a timeless quality, as opposed to flavor-of-the-month-type stuff. 3. “Chestnuts Roastin’” by Nat “King” Cole. This set of songs has been released under various names over the years, but this is the version I have. We also had a record of this growing up (under a different name), and I can picture my mom decorating the living room with this playing, so there’s a real sentimental value here. And of course, it’s the definitive version of Mel Torme’s “The Christmas Song” that you’ve all heard a million times. 2. “When My Heart Finds Christmas” by Harry Connick, Jr. So far HC has released three Christmas albums, but this is the first and (in my opinion) best. It has some of the hippest swinging tunes you’ll hear on a Christmas record, along with some reverent orchestral stuff and, of course, New Orleans-inspired jams. Harry wrote several tunes, all of which are good enough to be added to the Christmas canon. The album ends with Frank Loesser’s “What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve?” which HC does perfectly. The problem with this song is that in the show where it originally appeared, it was sung in early spring, and the singer was hoping for a long-term relationship. Just some useless trivial for you. 1. “Oy to the World!” by the Klezmonauts. If the very idea of a Klezmer Christmas album isn’t funny enough for you, then you have no sense of humor. In case you don’t know, Klezmer is Jewish music (think “Fiddler on the Roof”). About ten years ago Kendra and I were driving around the Twin Cities doing Christmas shopping, and the Klexmonauts’ version of “Jingle Bells” came on the radio. We contacted the jazz station to ask who it was, because we were laughing out loud. Imagine that tune in a minor key, complete with a lady singing in German and a violin that at one point quotes “Rhapsody in Blue” and you might get a bit of a picture of this album. Earlier I mentioned “Little Drummer Boy,” and this features a Klezmer/rock/surf version with some killer drum breaks. It’s a very short album, which is okay, because as cool and fun as it is, the songs all start to sound the same in short order. At any rate, this is the hippest Christmas album of all time. There you have it! I have to give honorable mention to Natalie Cole, the Vince Guaraldi Trio (Charlie Brown), Bing Crosby, and the Concordia College Percussion Ensemble, all of whom have awesome Christmas recordings. We also own “A Toolbox Christmas,” which utilizes tools musically, which is kinda cool. Sadly, we also have “The Jingle Cats,” which consists of meows recorded in various pitches and played back to the melody of Christmas carols. It’s as horrendous as it sounds. The perfect gift for your enemies this Christmas! Excuse me while I go listen to these (except for the Jingle Cats), and Merry Christmas! *This was originally written in December, 2013.
Those of you who know me are familiar with my attitude regarding Christmas music out of season. One of my greatest pet peeves is listening to (or worse yet, being forcing to sing) Christmas music when it’s not Christmas season. Many a soul has watched with glee as I come unhinged as the result of someone singing “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing” in September. Why is it such a big deal? What do I have against Christmas music? The answers are, 1) it really isn’t a big deal, but I thought it would be fun to write about it, and 2) I don’t have anything against Christmas music. The fact is, I love it. That’s precisely why I don’t like hearing it out of season. In our home, I insist on no Christmas music until after Thanksgiving. That also goes for Christmas decorations. My reason is simple: I do enjoy all that Christmas-y stuff, but I don’t want to be tired of it by the time December 25 rolls around. Do you know that the “Twelve Days of Christmas” begin on December 25? Yet in today’s America, the stores start putting out Christmas stuff in October, and on December 26, discarded trees already start littering boulevards. After two straight months of Christmas everything, people can’t wait to move on, and that’s sad. I prefer to wait until after Thanksgiving, so that when Christmas comes I still enjoy hearing those songs and looking at my tree. Since we have an artificial tree, we have the luxury of leaving it up as long as we want, which at this point in our lives is stretching past mid-January. It’s depressing to take down that cozy tree and lights, knowing that there are still months of bleak winter weather ahead. But back to the music. I love music, which is another reason why Christmas music annoys me. What I mean is, everyone and their brother feels the need to record a Christmas album. People who spend the rest of the year living like there is no God suddenly start singing about Jesus, and generally get full of holiday cheer and sentimentality. The sad truth is that most new Christmas albums are cheesy pop drivel, sung by today’s hottest pop and country “artists.” What does the average Christmas album contribute to our civilization? Do we really need to hear Justin Bieber croon about chestnuts roasting or Taylor Swift babble about the magic of the season? Do we really need another version of “Little Drummer Boy”? Add to this the fact that some radio stations actually brag that they play all Christmas music during this time of year, as if that’s a good thing. I avoid those stations like the plague. Why don’t we have radio stations that play only patriotic music around the Fourth of July or Easter music around Easter? Or maybe just a station that proclaims it’ll only play about twenty-five different random songs covered by several thousand singers? I propose a law that would put limits on Christmas music. Once a store or radio station hits their quota for the day, no more holiday cheer. Of course, what crazy people do in the privacy of their own home is their business. The penalty for violating this law would be the forced listening to of a handful of non-Christmas songs that have indeed been covered by a zillion artists, such as “Brown-Eyed Girl,” “Carry On Wayward Son,” and Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah.” There would also be a quota on how many times a certain song can be recorded. There would be strict limits on the helplessly overdone songs. Sacred examples are “Joy to the World,” “Angels We Have Heard On High,” and “Silent Night.” Secular examples would be “Jingle Bells” (including quoting the melody at the end of other songs), “Winter Wonderland” and “White Christmas.” Finally, there would be strict enforcement of the proper singing of songs. In particular, the melody of “Go Tell It on the Mountain” would be sung correctly. People now sing the notes of “everywhere” (as in “over the hills and everywhere”) wrong! It should only be sung that way the last time through! Argh! Somebody stop me! So there you have it. I apologize if I have diminished your holiday cheer. Join me next time when I break the news to you that there is indeed no Santa Claus. I’ve been thinking about the stereotypical American tourist. Growing up in a tourist town, I had a distaste for the many out-of-towners who’d descend on my little town every summer. I didn’t realize that, without the business brought in by these people, my community would be much worse off.
There are others who look down on tourists—in particular American tourists in foreign countries. Their reputation tends to be that of overweight, obnoxious morons. Is this fair? What do you think? A few years back, my family and I went on a cruise. Upon first glance, one might conclude that the above observation is accurate. However, a deeper look reveals that it’s wrong. An eye-opening experience for me was a shore excursion in Belize. We were riding on a bus en route to our destination, and our native guide asked us if we were familiar with the Belize welfare system. He then explained, “It’s called ‘Get up and go to work.’” This elicited an enthusiastic cheer from the passengers. It was then I realized that these are hard-working, middle class people. They aren’t lazy, pampered slobs. They’re law-abiding people who mind their own business and probably had to save money for a long time so that they COULD be “lazy and pampered” for a week. But you can be sure that within days they’d be back on the job, doing their part. It makes sense that something like a cruise would attract middle-income customers. Rich people would tend to have their own yachts rather then be crammed into a floating city with thousands of others. So, the next time you see some American tourist (wherever it may be), remember that they probably worked very hard to earn their own little temporary slice of paradise. This past weekend was the dreaded “Spring Ahead,” and just as predictably as the time change itself were the anguished complaints of friends lamenting this ritual. But this time it’s different: the United States Senate just unanimously (by voice vote) passed a bill making Daylight Saving Time permanent. Will it become law? Time will tell (lame pun intended).
The way some of my friends talk, it’s a wonder humanity can survive this semi-annual trauma. They quote statistics about increased car crashes, strokes, heart attacks, etc. that occur after these changes. And parents with small children? It’s chaos for weeks as they try to pick up the pieces of their lives. Kids are waking up at all ridiculous hours and don’t get used to it until it’s almost time to change again. Some may not like this, but it’s never been a big deal to me. “Fall back” is always fun, but does anyone actually get more sleep? I usually just stay up an hour later…and each spring I too react with, “Oh no, that’s THIS weekend?” For “spring ahead,” I like to move my watch/clocks ahead around supper time, so I’m in the right frame of mind earlier. With our kids, we started transitioning gradually a few days early–maybe getting to bed 15 minutes earlier (later in the fall) each day as it approached. I don’t remember it being that big of a deal. Part of me wants to ask the complainers, “Don’t you ever have to get up an hour earlier for something?” or “Don’t you ever stay up an hour past your bedtime?” and “Is your life ruined for weeks after this happens?” If that’s the case, maybe you have some bigger issues you need to address… As far as daylight itself, therein lies the rub. The closer you live to the equator, the less variety there is in the length of your days. But where I live (only slightly north of the halfway point between equator and North Pole), there’s a relatively big change in light. It’s usually light about an hour before and after sunrise and sunset, respectively. With daylight saving time, it starts getting light by 5:00 a.m. around the first day of summer, and it doesn’t get dark until nearly 10:00 p.m. If we were to ditch daylight saving time, it would be light by 4:00 a.m.(!) and it would be getting dark by 9:00 p.m. How about the first day of winter? Around here, sunrise and sunset are approximately 8:00 a.m. and 5:00 p.m., respectively. If we stay on daylight saving time, it won’t start getting light until around 8:30 in the morning, ewell after most people are at work or school. On the plus side, the sun will be up till around suppertime, give or take. My dad, who was born in 1925, has never liked daylight saving time. To this day, he’ll sometimes say what time it “really” is, before lamenting how stupid all this is. Honestly, I don’t care that much either way. I’d prefer that it stay light later in the summer, and the winter…it’s dark and cold for months either way. I just take vitamin D and try to enjoy being cozy. Either way, no legislation can change the amount of daylight, or the hours in a day. But it’s also nice to argue about something as mundane as this for a change. |
AuthorI've included some old blogs along with the new. Should you ever find yourself suffering from insomnia, this is the place for you! That's as poetic as I get... Archives
April 2025
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