* This was originally written in 2013.
Now that everyone knows how I feel about Christmas music, I’ll now punish you with my Top 10 list of non-cheesy Christmas albums! 10. “Striking 12” by Groovelily. Okay, so this isn’t technically a Christmas album, but it is a holiday album, specifically New Year’s. This band is a theatrical/pop/rock trio (for lack of a better term), consisting of electric violin, keyboards, and drums. All three members share lead vocal chores, to great effect. This live recording is a modern adaptation of Hans Christian Anderson’s “The Little Match Girl” that is at times poignant, beautiful, and hilarious. My favorites include the haunting “It’s Coming Down,” which I used to listen to in our apartment in Kiev while watching the snow fall on winter evenings. Very cozy. I also love “Give the Drummer Some” (of course) and “Screwed Up People Make Great Art,” the title of which speaks for itself. 9. “Merry Christmas” by Mariah Carey. I can’t believe I’m putting this on here, but it’s to appease the popsters out there. If you have to listen to an album of pop Christmas music, this is the one. The reverent “Jesus Born on this Day” and “Joy to the World,” which combines the Christmas carol with the “Jeremiah was a bullfrog” to great effect, are the highlights for me. 8. “Heaven and Nature Swing” by Phil Driscoll. In case you don’t know, the best kind of Christmas music is jazzy, and this big band record is chock full of wonderful arrangements by Ralph Carmichael. Phil Driscoll is a singer and trumpet player. He can play trumpet very high and loud, but he’s not a jazz player. Also, thanks to the magic of multi-track recording, Phil is the entire trumpet section, which is weird. Still, it’s a great album, especially the extended jams on “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen.” 7. “A Very Veggie Christmas” by the Veggie Tales crew. I’ve listened to this at least 18,000 times (thanks to my kids) and have every word memorized. It’s kind of like a TV show without visuals. Bob the Tomato is hosting a Christmas party at his house, and we get to listen in. Like most Veggies Tales stuff, it’s very funny and cute. While in Poland last year, we ate as many of the foods as possible from the “Twelve Days of Christmas” (eight Polish Christmas dishes) from this recording. Our favorite was kielbasa. 6. “Timeless Christmas” by Denver & the Mile High Orchestra. This is a mini-big band led by another singing trumpet player. I really like this band when they’re swinging, but they can’t seem to decide whether to be jazzy or to be a rock band with horns. Anyway, there are some wonderful versions of Christmas classics (including the second-best version ever of “Little Drummer Boy” ever—the best is in my #1) along with some great originals. 5. “A Christmas Festival” by Arthur Fiedler and the Boston Pops. My family had a record of this when I was growing up, and it reminds me of my childhood. I remember the cover had Mr. Fiedler dressed as Santa and holding a large sack of toys that I thought looked pretty cool. This is classy stuff! 4. “Christmastime” by Michael W. Smith. This one’s for Kendra, but I have to admit, as another “poppy” Christmas album, this is pretty good. He’s got a wide variety of material, and it has kind of a timeless quality, as opposed to flavor-of-the-month-type stuff. 3. “Chestnuts Roastin’” by Nat “King” Cole. This set of songs has been released under various names over the years, but this is the version I have. We also had a record of this growing up (under a different name), and I can picture my mom decorating the living room with this playing, so there’s a real sentimental value here. And of course, it’s the definitive version of Mel Torme’s “The Christmas Song” that you’ve all heard a million times. 2. “When My Heart Finds Christmas” by Harry Connick, Jr. So far HC has released three Christmas albums, but this is the first and (in my opinion) best. It has some of the hippest swinging tunes you’ll hear on a Christmas record, along with some reverent orchestral stuff and, of course, New Orleans-inspired jams. Harry wrote several tunes, all of which are good enough to be added to the Christmas canon. The album ends with Frank Loesser’s “What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve?” which HC does perfectly. The problem with this song is that in the show where it originally appeared, it was sung in early spring, and the singer was hoping for a long-term relationship. Just some useless trivial for you. 1. “Oy to the World!” by the Klezmonauts. If the very idea of a Klezmer Christmas album isn’t funny enough for you, then you have no sense of humor. In case you don’t know, Klezmer is Jewish music (think “Fiddler on the Roof”). About ten years ago Kendra and I were driving around the Twin Cities doing Christmas shopping, and the Klexmonauts’ version of “Jingle Bells” came on the radio. We contacted the jazz station to ask who it was, because we were laughing out loud. Imagine that tune in a minor key, complete with a lady singing in German and a violin that at one point quotes “Rhapsody in Blue” and you might get a bit of a picture of this album. Earlier I mentioned “Little Drummer Boy,” and this features a Klezmer/rock/surf version with some killer drum breaks. It’s a very short album, which is okay, because as cool and fun as it is, the songs all start to sound the same in short order. At any rate, this is the hippest Christmas album of all time. There you have it! I have to give honorable mention to Natalie Cole, the Vince Guaraldi Trio (Charlie Brown), Bing Crosby, and the Concordia College Percussion Ensemble, all of whom have awesome Christmas recordings. We also own “A Toolbox Christmas,” which utilizes tools musically, which is kinda cool. Sadly, we also have “The Jingle Cats,” which consists of meows recorded in various pitches and played back to the melody of Christmas carols. It’s as horrendous as it sounds. The perfect gift for your enemies this Christmas! Excuse me while I go listen to these (except for the Jingle Cats), and Merry Christmas!
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*This was originally written in December, 2013.
Those of you who know me are familiar with my attitude regarding Christmas music out of season. One of my greatest pet peeves is listening to (or worse yet, being forcing to sing) Christmas music when it’s not Christmas season. Many a soul has watched with glee as I come unhinged as the result of someone singing “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing” in September. Why is it such a big deal? What do I have against Christmas music? The answers are, 1) it really isn’t a big deal, but I thought it would be fun to write about it, and 2) I don’t have anything against Christmas music. The fact is, I love it. That’s precisely why I don’t like hearing it out of season. In our home, I insist on no Christmas music until after Thanksgiving. That also goes for Christmas decorations. My reason is simple: I do enjoy all that Christmas-y stuff, but I don’t want to be tired of it by the time December 25 rolls around. Do you know that the “Twelve Days of Christmas” begin on December 25? Yet in today’s America, the stores start putting out Christmas stuff in October, and on December 26, discarded trees already start littering boulevards. After two straight months of Christmas everything, people can’t wait to move on, and that’s sad. I prefer to wait until after Thanksgiving, so that when Christmas comes I still enjoy hearing those songs and looking at my tree. Since we have an artificial tree, we have the luxury of leaving it up as long as we want, which at this point in our lives is stretching past mid-January. It’s depressing to take down that cozy tree and lights, knowing that there are still months of bleak winter weather ahead. But back to the music. I love music, which is another reason why Christmas music annoys me. What I mean is, everyone and their brother feels the need to record a Christmas album. People who spend the rest of the year living like there is no God suddenly start singing about Jesus, and generally get full of holiday cheer and sentimentality. The sad truth is that most new Christmas albums are cheesy pop drivel, sung by today’s hottest pop and country “artists.” What does the average Christmas album contribute to our civilization? Do we really need to hear Justin Bieber croon about chestnuts roasting or Taylor Swift babble about the magic of the season? Do we really need another version of “Little Drummer Boy”? Add to this the fact that some radio stations actually brag that they play all Christmas music during this time of year, as if that’s a good thing. I avoid those stations like the plague. Why don’t we have radio stations that play only patriotic music around the Fourth of July or Easter music around Easter? Or maybe just a station that proclaims it’ll only play about twenty-five different random songs covered by several thousand singers? I propose a law that would put limits on Christmas music. Once a store or radio station hits their quota for the day, no more holiday cheer. Of course, what crazy people do in the privacy of their own home is their business. The penalty for violating this law would be the forced listening to of a handful of non-Christmas songs that have indeed been covered by a zillion artists, such as “Brown-Eyed Girl,” “Carry On Wayward Son,” and Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah.” There would also be a quota on how many times a certain song can be recorded. There would be strict limits on the helplessly overdone songs. Sacred examples are “Joy to the World,” “Angels We Have Heard On High,” and “Silent Night.” Secular examples would be “Jingle Bells” (including quoting the melody at the end of other songs), “Winter Wonderland” and “White Christmas.” Finally, there would be strict enforcement of the proper singing of songs. In particular, the melody of “Go Tell It on the Mountain” would be sung correctly. People now sing the notes of “everywhere” (as in “over the hills and everywhere”) wrong! It should only be sung that way the last time through! Argh! Somebody stop me! So there you have it. I apologize if I have diminished your holiday cheer. Join me next time when I break the news to you that there is indeed no Santa Claus. |
AuthorI've included some old blogs along with the new. Should you ever find yourself suffering from insomnia, this is the place for you! That's as poetic as I get... Archives
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